Your mouth is God's brothel.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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