I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
