college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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