new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
