my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
