Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
