y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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