That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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