Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
