Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
