Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
