you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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