Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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