The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
