dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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