she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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