Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there's paper in my vomit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
