ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
