I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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