he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
