My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
