Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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