It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
