I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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