it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
