thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
