he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found puke in my bra..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
