Got a toothbrush?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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