He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
