i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
