Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
