his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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