I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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