I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
