how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it was like eating out sand paper
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
