found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
