I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
