I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
