READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
