Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
