we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
