And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
