i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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