Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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