OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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