Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
