Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
is it fun? or sober?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
