I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
