We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
