And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
