There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize