Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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