allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
