Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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