So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
